Troughs to piss in...what a great idea. I remember when I was very young, going to Red Sox games with my dad. They literally had super long troughs to piss in. These were not urinals...they were urintroughs. Anyway, I couldn't even piss in those things as a young kid. They looked like this:
I think they might have been green though. I mean look at that ladies...you can't even get your men at home to get it all in the bowl. How much urine do you think is on the floor in that picture...in that whole bathroom? Believe it or not, a dozen guys could be pissing in that at once. How is a little kid supposed to pee when all that is going on around him? Who invented the urinal? The Romans? They seem like the types that would like to have a piss party. I mean, that's what it was like at Fenway. All kinds of drunk men and kids pissing all over the place. The dudes drinking beer of course would work very hard to not spill any of their beer while they were pissing on the floor. That makes sense.
I bring up urinals because I am sick of having to stand with my legs three feet apart at the one at work so I'm not stepping in another man's urine. There's just a single one like the first picture above and there's always a puddle under it. Some guys maybe have short members and can't reach the thing? Is that why some guys practically shove their whole abdomens inside those things? You know, the ones that understand that ALL the piss is supposed to go in the urinal. But seriously, the reason why there is so much piss on the floor is because there are guys that shake it all over the place when they are finishing up. They just can't control the shake. And by the way, if they shake it more than twice, they're playing with it. Thank you! I'll be here all night.
Somewhere in my office and/or the others on the fourth floor are guys with piss on their shoes. I mean on top for the ones with the shaking issues. Some might even have some on the bottom of their pants. Hell, some might have it all over. If a guy comes out of the bathroom with one eye all bloodshot and partly closed, he likely pissed in it. Then there's times when the urinal is being used so guys go in the stalls. GUYS...LIFT UP THE SEAT! I swear some guys must fantasize about people sitting in their piss.
Many guys used to piss without washing their hands back in the day. These days you can rest assured that MOST of the men you shake hands with don't have urine on those hands. So there's that. It's like Russian Roulette. That's generally one bullet in a six shooter. That's about right. Probably one out of six guys doesn't wash his hands. There was a Seinfeld episode where Jerry is dating a woman whose dad owns an Italian Restaurant. The father is going to make them a special pizza. Jerry is in the bathroom and the guy comes out of the stall, says hello and leaves without washing his hands. He's off to make the pizza (he was sitting in the stall...you know, doing his sit down business). Later, when it arrives at the table, Jerry can't eat it.
Now, how about porta-potties that have urinals? Well look the next time...there's piss everywhere. Half the guys in there are on the phone or texting and not even holding on. Sometimes, at events, they have hand sanitizer outside the urinals. That is certainly appreciated. They should also have disposable gloves that you can wear when you go in so you don't touch any urine or whatever else is on the walls and floors and oh, how about that toilet seat? Ladies, there's always piss on it right? I feel for you all when I think about you having to hover. Men do also if they have to do their sit down business. Some men just sit in the mess. They are usually the ones that piss all over themselves anyway. Some men sadly, and maybe some ladies, will clean that thing before they sit down because they are just people that have to sit down. I appreciate it when I go in after one of those. Sometimes in life it's the little things.
There's two kinds of guys that use urinals (well three if you count the guys that piss all over the place). There's the ones that unzipping is all they need to do their business and then there's the ones that have to unbutton their pants and undo their belts and have it all out there. They're being smart though... they don't want to piss on their pants. I have a great story from work at NYNEX. This was back in the early 90s. There was only one lady's room and one men's room. One day they decided to renovate the lady's room so they decided to let them use the men's room and the men had to use porta-potties outside until the work was finished. Back then I used to smoke. I'm outside one day smoking and this guy I work with comes out of the portable piss palace with a huge piss stain on his pants. They were beige. This was a dark stain about six inches across. I was like, "Dude, you pissed all over yourself." He responded, "Oh that's nothing" and he walked away. I was mortified.
Guys...get it ALL in the urinal or whatever you're pissing in and if you're pissing in the stall, LIFT THE SEAT! We really don't want to sit in or step in your piss! When I say "we" I mean us people that don't like strangers' piss on us...we don't even want our own piss on us like some of y'all...
