Okay. I didn't have a great night last night. I went to the Zen Center in Cumberland planning to stay overnight after 2 hours of meditation. I knew I was going to be late for dinner so I ate before I got there. On the website for the center there are pictures of some very neat and clean rooms (and I have seen some of these nice rooms). I got to the Center with some time before the first meditation so I checked out my room. Now, understand, this is not supposed to be something to complain about. A room is a room just like food is food. It serves a purpose but it certainly isn't supposed to be luxurious (just like food is about nutrition not taste) and I didn't expect it to be. It was, however, very disappointing and I feel bad that I feel this way. The room was dirty, dusty, dusty cobwebs in the corners of the ceiling, etc. It appears my room was in a section of the building that had been igrnored for a long time. I have seen some of the rooms there and they are very nice.
I had a choice of two twin beds: one that was soft and noisy and one that was as hard as a rock and quiet. I slept on the noisy one. After meditating until 8:30, I went to my room and settled in. I had my laptop with me so I spent a little time on the internet (they have WIFI) and then I read until 11:00 when I went to bed. I woke up at 1:30am and just couldn't fall back to sleep. My asthma was also bothering me (probably due to all of the dust) and I didn't have an inhaler with me. I was miserable but tried to stick it out until 5:00am when the gong would sound and we would all go to the Dharma Room for bows and meditation until 7:00. I ended up going home at 3:00am. I was exhausted.
The whole night was tough really. I had trouble getting clear during seated meditation and my back was killing me. I guess I picked the wrong night to stay overnight. I was in a bad mood when I got there also (I was carrying around a lot of karma that I should have left at the door but was unable to).
Clear mind is the idea. It was tough last night. I will try again another time and soon. How am I going to do a multi-day retreat if I can't handle a night? Don't know...it's all a learning experience. If you look for something, you won't find it. If you clear your mind, it may find you.
Peace!
