Oh the gym. This time of year I try get there three times per week and bike ride at least twice per week, sometime three. It's harder to bike ride as it is dark after work so biking during the week means using my helmet light and riding in the woods in the dark which is actually quite awesome. Some might say anyone wearing a light on his helmet is a dork...that's fair. But, were miners dorks?
But seriously, there are some funny guys at the gym. I didn't go much over the summer as I did a lot of bike riding and I haven't been as concerned about upper body work lately. So I missed out on all the fun of people watching at the gym. You see, I mainly ride the stationary bike so I have the luxury of watching just about everything that is going on in the main part of the gym. The only thing I can't see is what's going on behind me on the other cardio machines (boring stuff anyway). It would be great to film some of the stuff that goes on at the gym but these days that isn't so politically correct. I could get thrown out on my ass for instance.
Here's some of the types of guys there are at the gym...as they come to mind so no particular order and I may leave some out and have to add them at a later date:
The Hoverer: This is the guy that finds a girl he likes so he goes and hangs around her. Whenever she goes to different machine or station, he always makes sure he is nearby. He of course thinks she's cute but he hasn't grown much emotionally since the seventh grade. So, he doesn't talk to her...he just "hangs around" her. She of course gets creeped out pretty quick but he is oblivious. I mean, he's being smart. You know, not getting too close. How could she notice? Dude...everyone is watching you follow her around and everyone is scared you're a serial killer.
The Serial Killer: This guy is usually older. He just stares at women at length and won't even look away if they look at him. There are a few too many of these at the gym. These guys freak me out watching them stare at length at some of the women in the gym. No wonder there are so many gyms that are just for women. Hey, I check out women at the gym but I do it like a gentleman. If you see one of these guys, kick him in the nuts.
The Walk By Guy: This guy is smart enough not to hover around. Come on...that shit is obvious. This guy just walks by maybe seven or eight or ten times in a hour, checking out this one or that one's ass or boobs or both or whatever. Perhaps he is impressed with her technique. Yeah sure. This guy is as gross as the hoverer. This guy doesn't talk to anyone either and if she looks his way, he looks away. Of course, not in an obvious way. This guy occasionally may get reprimanded by the staff...hell, it happens to the hoverer too. But do they learn? Of course not. They'll be back for more. This guy generally has bad breath and B.O. and legs that look like they haven't seen the sun since before the turn of the century.
Muscle Guy and his Mini Guy: Do you have a set of these at your gym? I do at mine. There's a big dude, maybe six feet tall and wide and in good shape, big arms and so forth. Along side him is this mini version of himself. This mini guy is like five foot two. He's in good shape too but it's hard to notice. He follows the big guy around like they are chained together. He does all the same exercises and so forth. I don't know their story but have spent some time trying to figure it out. Either they are partners or the little guy is in love with the big guy but just plays the role as tagalong friend. Perhaps his love is unrequited. Or perhaps they are just simply friends and I have a creative mind. Hey, I'm one of those guys that likes to watch people at airports and the Boston Common, etc. and make up stories about them, so...
Backpack Dude: This guy is afraid someone is going to steal his stuff if he leaves it in a locker. I get that but why not buy a lock? If you can't afford a lock, how are you going to take someone out on a date after hovering and walking by? This guy doesn't come in with his work clothes on either. He comes in dressed to workout. Perhaps he is afraid of the locker room? Perhaps he has had that fear since the fifth grade. That was the year that many of us had the new pleasure of having to take showers after gym in school. You learn things then like: who's circumcised and who isn't. Who's big and who isn't. Who is perhaps further along in the hormone department...you know, the ones that are already abnormally hairy.
Sorry, I got off track. This backpack dude...whatever is in that backpack, he carries it around from machine to machine the whole time he is there. I imagine he has perhaps his keys and wallet, an extra shirt, extra underwear in case he soils the ones he has on...perhaps while doing squats and pushing just a little too much weight. Oops! What else could be in there? The book "Merv: An Autobiography" by Merv Griffin? Likely!
Personally, I put my crap in a locker without a lock. If someone wants my crap they can have it. They need my stuff more than I do if they have to take my sweatpants and their sketchy smell, my extra t-shirt that honestly, I can live without and as it gets colder some sort of jacket. You need a jacket? Take my jacket...I have more at home, ones that I haven't been putting on my sweaty body after a workout.
It's getting close to my time to finish up this evening. Perhaps I will return another time with more interesting people from the gym. If you go to the same gym regular and pay attention to what's going on around you, you all have experienced some characters. I would love to hear about them. Feel free to share them in the comments section. Now, I just remembered. I only notice this stuff when I go at night (of course the gym is much busier then too). When I go in the early morning, I pay attention to nothing as I am still not necessarily fully awake...
Until next time: Paz e que Deus bendiga!
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