Music

It's no secret (if you know me) that I'm passionate about music.  There are only a few things that I am truly "passionate" about and music is one of them.  I can't play any instruments worth a damn but that's okay.  The first instrument I picked up was a ukulele.  I got it as a gift when I was like three?  Anyway, I immediately loved it and played it left handed.  I didn't know that accepted way and most play guitar-type instruments right handed.  I loved that ukulele.  Then, a short time after having it, someone (I can't recall who) told me I was playing it wrong.  So they turned it around and told me that was the correct way to play it and to play it like that going forward.  Well, in a short time it wasn't fun anymore and I moved on to something else.  I wonder what would have happened if I had the strength of character and knowledge of myself at that young age to just keep on playing it the way that was comfortable and made sense.  Well, we can't live in the past.

That story reminds me of a story I heard from a motivational speaker.  A very young girl is in an art class with the rest of the students in the class.  Maybe first grade (I don't recall exactly).  Anyway, she paints a nice picture of a sky and grass and a tree and a house.  It's essentially a landscape.  She calls the teacher over to show her the wonderful work she did.  The teacher praises her and then says, "There's just one thing missing," and proceeds to paint a bird flying in the sky, just a simple v-shaped bird in flight.  The little girl started balling her eyes out.  Why?  Well, you can figure out the answer to that one...

The next instrument I attempted (against my will) was the piano.  I was 6 years old when the nightmare started.  My sister was made to play along also.  She was a year older.  Our first teacher was like Dracula, or at least he was to me as a 6 year old.  He lived in a dark and dingy old mansion near downtown.  He was tall, pale, walked quite erect and didn't smile.  I hated it there as did my sister.  I'm not sure how long it was before we switched to another teacher who worked out of the town's only music store/head shop.  This was 1970. 

Why were we taking piano lessons?  My parents bought a Yamaha upright and well, they didn't buy it to collect dust.  Why didn't THEY play it?  I never learned to play the piano over several years of lessons.  I just played notes.  I did enjoy playing some songs but there was no heart or passion in those songs, just notes.  I never understood what to do with those damn pedals either.  I used to pretend (while I was forced to practice) that it was some kind of crazy car and the three pedals were, of course, a clutch, gas pedal and brake.  I traveled to places that had no pianos...

Now I enjoy playing the piano because I play because I want to.  I can read music so can play just about anything.  You'd likely have trouble naming any of the songs I play, however.  I still suck, but I take pleasure in my lack of talent.  My favorite song of late is "November Rain" by Gun's & Roses.  I think it sounds great when I play it.  It would probably sound better if I used those pedals but these days I just ignore them.  That's right...I'm that kind of rebel!

I don't currently own a piano but I am in the market when the right deal comes along.  It doesn't have to be great but it does need to be decent.  My last piano was a 1936 Stark upright.  Stark made mostly player pianos so this was a rare gem.  Most of the ivory was off the keys but otherwise it was fine.  I had it tuned and the tuning dude said it was a pretty decent piano.  He probably tells that to eveyone with an ugly piano.  I had that piano in the basement den in my condo in Milford.  When Barbara and I moved in together, I didn't want to pay to move it so I gave it to the first person that would take it away.  I paid nothing for it also (just the cost to move it) so...share it forward...

I'll get into the music I like in my next post...(oh, and my short experience with a guitar)...peace...

How Does a Novice Begin to Meditate?

That’s a very good question.  For me I just did it.  I had some idea from movies and TV but had never actually witnessed anyone meditating or asked anyone about it.  I never read books on how to meditate.  I would lie down on my bed, close my eyes and think about places I wanted to be and things I wanted to see.  At times, I would astral project: feel like my spirit left my body and I was my spirit.  My spirit would travel all over the world on these trips. 

Looking back, that wasn’t really meditation.  It was more like self-hypnosis.  Buddhists believe in a vastly different meditation.  You clear your mind.  Don’t seek anything and don’t try to see pretty pictures.  You bring your mind to where it was before you were born.  That is Zen.  No worries. 

The guy in the following post does a very good job of explaining, to the beginner or anyone, 10 simple steps to meditate in the Buddhist tradition:

http://stopandbreathe.com/2011/03/04/meditation-101-a-10-step-beginners-guide/

My next suggestion would be to go to a Zen Center.  They generally have meditation classes for beginners and then opportunities to chant (a form of meditation) and sit meditation with the members and others.  I am a member of the Providence Zen Center (PZC) in RI and also a member of the Kwan Um School of Zen.  The Kwan Um School has locations all over the US and in many other countries all over the world. The PZC has beginner meditation training classes on Wednesday nights at 6:30 and sometimes they have them on Sundays. They are free to the public.  Some on the internet call the Kwan Um School a cult.  That couldn’t be farther from the truth.  Whatever individuals wrote that were obviously making assumptions and probably never bothered to visit one of the many Zen Centers. 

The people that live at, work at and visit these centers are the nicest, kindest and mellowest people.  They ask nothing of newcomers like I feel I still am.  I am working on becoming a Dharma Teacher and they are trying to slow me down.  No one is encouraging it and none of them probably remember that I even have that interest.  When I discussed doing the 5 Precepts (a step in becoming a teacher) with one of our Dharma Teachers, he said slow down.  Everything will happen when it is supposed to happen.  He also told me the only thing I should be concerned about is practicing my mediation and concentrating on what is in front of me. 

The last time I sat with Jose, he asked me, “What is missing right now?”  I said after some hesitation, “Nothing.  I am at the Zen Center, we are talking.  No past or future just what is happening right now.”  He agreed.  He also added, “When you try to rush to become more enlightened, it just doesn’t work.  If you seek enlightenment, you won’t find it.  Don’t make anything.  Clear your mind and it may find you,” then he wacked my mat with his stick.  A symbolic gesture as in the old days, a monk in training would have been hit with that stick.  I’m not saying I’m a monk in training.  In the old days they did not let lay persons into these temples.  A Korean Zen Master brought his Zen teachings to the US and understood that things needed to be loosened up a bit to reach a much wider audience.

Okay, where was I?  I also understand that going into a Buddhist Temple can be intimidating for a newcomer.  It was very intimidating for me.  I wanted to go to such a temple in Boston when I was around 23 years old.  I walked by it over and over again when I walked to and from my car when I worked in the Back Bay.  I never went in.  Another 25 years went by before I finally entered the Providence Zen Center.  This is where I have learned the most about Zen and about meditating.  It took me 48 years to get to a Zen Temple.  I’m not complaining.  Things happen when they are supposed to.

Peace and clear mind!  If you have questions, feel free to ask them in the comments section…

The Way of the Human

I started this last night in Word and the damn thing disappeared on me and I hadn't saved it yet.  So I'm writing this in my blog which saves a draft like every 30 seconds.  Losing several paragraphs was annoying as I have no idea what I was writing about...well I remember a little.  Yes...this was very un-Zen-like behavior.  I'm human not a Zen robot. 

I finished the book "The Way of The Sufi."  It was a big disappointment.  It is an older book but not that that should matter.  The author...not sure who he felt his audience was.  Anyway, he pretty much discussed everything a Sufi wasn't and not really much of anything on what being a Sufi means.  I got pretty much just two things out of the book: 1. A Sufi is very similar to a Buddhist and 2. Rumi was a Sufi.  That's it...

I'm now reading the Qur'an.  I am also reading, The Power of Positive Thinking by Norman Vincent Peale.  The Qur'an was written very long ago (of course) and the latter book was originally printed in 1952 and then reprinted in 1978.  I have the 1978 edition and it was signed by the author.  The signature reads: "To my good friends Mary and Henry Holt.  God bless you always. Norman Vincent Peale, August 10, 1978."  Pretty cool.  The Holts, it appears, were/are writers also.  Maybe this book is worth something.  Maybe just an interesting story.  Whatever...

I don't just read religious and inspirational or self help type books.  I always have a novel going and usually pulp fiction crime/cop/lawyer stuff.  My favorite such author is Michael Connelly.  Right now I'm reading a book by John Grisham that is not his normal fair (or mine).  This is about an NFL second string quarterback who screws up big time and ends up playing for a team in Italy.  It appears they have what is known as the IFL (Italian Football League).  He gets paid only $30,000 but ends up falling in love with Italy and specifically, Parma, the city he lives in and plays for.  Three books at a time for me is pretty normal.

Where was I going with this?  I have no idea...I've got writer's block...cut me some slack.  I'm reading books on theology and philosophies for several reasons.  By understanding all the faiths of the world, it will better help me understand and appreciate my own faith.  By truly understanding all faiths and not just listening to propaganda created by hateful people, it will help me better understand everyone to better love everyone.  It's so simple yet so far away from so many.  People need to wake up.  Most people are asleep.  If all you have is love no matter what comes at you:  WOW!

Lastly, I am studying all faiths as part of my journey in Buddhism...

Out of Body Experience…Today!

Hello.  Interesting day.  Work was good. It was a Monday and I embraced Monday and, as a result, enjoyed my day.  Many people plan to hate Mondays, so they do.  Plan to have a bad day and you are pretty much guaranteed to have one.  Plan to have a good day and you may not have one (in your opinion) but…it is much more likely that you will.  There is really only one choice that makes any sense but many humans seem to enjoy making themselves miserable and then try to find someone or something to blame it on.

Okay…so to the topic.  I had regular out of body experiences in my late 30s.  I was around 37 and there was a 6 month or so period where I could have them at will.  It was wonderful.  I had them daily.  I bought a book on the topic and it said it could be addicting.  It sure was.  My spirit was always traveling.  I would mostly fly to the places I felt like going but sometimes I would find myself on a train to unknown places. By the way, when I said fly I don’t mean in a plane.  My spirit would fly.

I knew when it was going to happen.  I would hear noise in my ears and then I would leave my body through the top of my head.  In the book I read, it described it just like that.  The author described the noise as people talking (souls talking).  After reading that, I realized it did sound like that. Those were some great journeys.  I have not been able to do this now for a lot of years.  My experiences became fewer and farther between until I was about forty when the ability left me altogether.

Today was different.   I was out on my mountain bike.  It could have been an out of body experience or near death experience or an “I think I’m dying experience.”  It was hot so maybe it was just the heat but I was well hydrated.  Anyway…I was meditating on my ride.  I came to a point where the sky just looked serene.  The sun was shining through some clouds and I was overwhelmed with calm.  Then my chest got warmer and warmer and I briefly left my body.  I thought, but quite calmly, that perhaps I was having a heart attack and was going to die.  I didn’t panic as I was really ready to embrace the next place.  It wasn’t scary…it was peaceful.

Anyway, a short time later I was back, present on my bike and present on the trail.  It was a wonderful experience.  I don’t fear death.  Not because of what happened today.  I just don’t fear it.  I have faith.  It’s strong.  I’m strong.  God is within me!

Peace…

Awakening The Buddha Within

This is a book I recently finished, written by Lama Surya Das who, among other things, did two back to back three year silent retreats as a Buddhist Monk.  Then, like many, came to a point where monastic life no longer made sense.

Here are some thoughts or ideas brought up in the book:

Many of the unenlightened ask themselves things like:” When does my real life begin?”  “Is this all there is?”  “Why does life often seem barren and lonely?”  “Why is there so much anxiety, fear and doubt in my heart?”  In actuality, we create our own reality.

Enlightenment is not about becoming divine.  Quite the opposite as it is about becoming more fully human.  Enlightened living is a compassionate path.  Zen Master Dogen said, “To be enlightened is to be one with all things.”  Makes sense to me.  Every living thing on this planet is connected to every other.  That is not a theory.  That is a fact.  It’s just common sense.

The only place you are going to find your truth is in your genuine spiritual center.  Be who you are and where you are.  Be present.  Within you and all of God’s creatures there is an inner radiance.  The luminosity is birthless and deathless.  It carries unconditional compassion and love.  We can awaken it if we want to.  We can become enlightened.  Seek enlightenment and you will not find it but clear your mind and you may learn that it was there all the time.

Enlightenment means an end to directionless wandering…

Here’s a meditation:

Breathe, breathe again, smile, relax, arrive where you are, be present only where you are, get rid of the noise in your head, forget what was and what may be, be present now, make it about being and not doing, drop everything and let go, enjoy for a moment this marvelous joy of meditation…

Following a balanced, moderate path that is honest, straightforward and impeccable is living the Dharma.  Learning to live without excessive confusion, anger, clinging, vacillation or greed is following the Dharma.  Be in tune with things as they are…not as you would wish them to be.

Buddha is truth.  Buddha once said, “There is nirvanic peace in things left just as they are.”  It’s about letting go.  It’s like coming home.

There are Four Noble Truths in Tibetan Buddhism (and perhaps the Korean I am involved in).  They are:

1.       Life is difficult.

2.       Life is difficult because of attachment.  We crave satisfaction in inherently dissatisfying ways.

3.       The possibility of liberation from difficulties exists for everyone.

4.       The way to realize the liberation and enlightenment is by leading a compassionate life of virtue, wisdom and meditation.  These three spiritual trainings comprise the teachings of the Eight-Fold Path to Enlightenment.

Soon I will discuss the Eight-Fold Path.  Peace and God bless!

Leave Your Shoes and Karma at the Door

The journey to Enlightenment is a long and winding road.  I went to the Zen Center last night as Wednesday is the night I have set aside for group chanting and group seated meditation.  I was thinking of all kinds of reasons not to go last night. The biggest was easy:  the heat.  I was thinking: is that dharma room air conditioned?  You see, it’s all about me and my comfort…well, it shouldn’t be.  Anyway, I went and the dharma room is the only room in the place that has air conditioning.  Perhaps they don’t want people passing out all over the place.  We humans love to complain though.  “Oh it’s hot….it’s cold…it’s humid…it’s…”  Just deal with it.

I went and was pretty much distracted the whole time.  Wednesday has a lot going on that doesn’t occur on other nights.  It is the night they teach new visitors how to meditate and the rules of the place and then they join us in the dharma room at 7:30 for seated meditation.   Plus, Wednesday night is the night there is a Dharma Teacher or Zen Master present to do kong-an interviews with those who have things they would like to discuss in private.  As the meditations take place, a bell is rung when the teacher is ready for the next private meeting.

Anyway, I had trouble reading the chant book (I need to bring my reading glasses).  I was distracted by the sound of the air conditioner and that bell.   Then there were a large number of new people that came in at 7:30 which surprised me based on the heat.  The most interesting thing that happened during seated meditation was watching a bug crawl around on the hardwood floor.  It had trouble with every crack.  Watching this did help me stay in the moment but otherwise, I had trouble keeping my mind clear last night.

I spoke with a few people after meditation and they go on different nights often as there are none of these distractions on other nights.  No interviews and no new people coming in halfway through the evening.  I think I am going to start going on Tuesday nights instead of Wednesdays.  I need to have as few distractions as possible to get the most out of meditation.  Some would say one should be able to meditate through anything, even a tornado.  I guess I need more progress to get there.  One day at a time and all that.

It was a good night.  It was around 95 degrees out and humid.  I had time to go home before I went so I was able to change into shorts (comfort is certainly helpful while meditating).  I also went barefoot as it seemed like the right thing to do (you have to take your shoes off at the door anyway).  There’s something about walking into a place barefoot (and having it be okay) that gives one a sense of freedom.  That may sound silly and silly is okay.

When I pulled into the Zen Center, I was greeted by a rabbit that was hopping around the property.  Rabbits seem to be everywhere lately.  It was warm and I’m not going to complain about the heat.  I like it.  It does shock the system a bit to go from 75 to 95 in one day but our systems are tough.  People complain and say “when is summer going to arrive?” and then when it does, they complain that it’s too hot.  Why not except things as they are?  Can you control the weather or temperature?  No…so don’t sweat it (no pun intended…well actually it was intended).

Peace and clear mind.  Enjoy the summer.  If you feel like checking out the Zen Center (in Cumberland, RI) check it out.  You don’t have to be a Buddhist.  You just have to be human.  Personally, I don’t believe in religion.  I believe in God.  Buddhism is a philosophy for me.  Buddhists believe in God also by the way.  Buddhists accept everything and everyone.  Just leave your shoes and karma at the door…

Why Do Mondays Get Such a Bad Rap?

I'm 48 years old and have spent most of my life listening to people complaining about Mondays.  It's like these people WANT the day to be lousy.  I also think people just like to have SOMETHING to complain about.    I have been guilty of falling into this trap myself but not anymore.  Monday is just a day like any other day.  We can do whatever we want with it.  We can have a good day or a bad day.  If we wake up and immediately expect it to be bad, then it probably will be.  Send out negative energy into the universe and generally you will get it right back.  Send out positive energy and get something positive in return.

I know I am changing because I could easily say I had a horrible day yesterday but I will not.  Let me explain some things I dealt with yesterday which was a Monday.  First, I went to work.  That alone gives many people something to complain about.  Well, we have to work so why complain about it?  It is just one of our many roles and without money, what can we do?  Hmmm...but let's complain about it.  Well, I mean no, let's not.

Second, I started passing a kidney stone before lunch.  I've had them before.  It was moving in my kidney and got more and more painful as the day went on.  When I started sweating, I decided it was a good time to leave (at around 3:00) and go see my doctor.

Third, when I got to my doctor's office I learned he had passed away.  Now understand, he has been my doctor now for about 10 years, my general practitioner.  The most kind and gentle doctor you could ask for.  The nurse who was there was completely unfriendly which was unusual as she was normally always quite pleasant with me.  I am sure she was having difficulty dealing with the loss of the doctor.  His replacement was not working yet so the nurse told me quite nastily, "You'll have to go to the ER."  Well, I didn't go to the ER.  My situation did not warrant a 4 hour wait at any ER.  The me from 10 years ago would have told this woman off or at least called her on her poor attitude.  I just let it go.  It had nothing to do with me and even if it did, no need to stress myself out and again, who knows what kind of pain she was dealing with whether the loss of the doctor or perhaps she was concerned for her job.  The old me wouldn't have thought this way.  The old me would have reacted and reacted in an unpleasant manner.  "Who are YOU to treat ME like this?"  What good would that do and who am I?

It turns out my doctor needed emergency surgery (not sure what for) and didn't make it through surgery.  The old me would have been a stressed out mess over this.  "Now I have no doctor."  "Who am I going to get for a doctor?"  "What will he/she be like?"  "How long will it take me to find one?"  etc. etc. etc.  I was amazed I handled it all quite well.  The old me would have also felt the grief of his death even if we were not really close.  I understand now that death is a necessary end to THIS human life but not the end of our eternal existence.  Anyway, I have to find another doctor.  I didn't need to find one that minute.  I will need one the next time I need one.  I decided to go home and ride out the pain on my own.

Fourth, on the way home, while in tremendous pain, I stopped at a convenience store and locked my keys in my truck while it was running.  I kid you not. I have never done this before and don’t even understand how I did it.  If it’s not hot out, I usually keep the truck running when I make a quick stop at a store.  I must have accidently hit the lock on the inside of the door or something.  My old car wouldn’t lock…it would unlock if you tried to lock it while it was running or while the key was in the ignition.  Anyway, the old me would have flipped out by now…in pain, no doctor and now no way to get home (not too soon anyway).  So I’m stuck at the store in a lot of pain and I was still calm and serene.  This is NOT normal for me.  I have definitely grown. 

Anyway, I went in the store, which I have been going to for years, and asked Don (the manager) to use the phone.  I called my wife and she came and got me about 20 minutes later (she has an extra key to my truck on her key chain).  I got in my truck and went home and right to bed after taking a couple Advil.  My wife woke me up at some point and gave me a sandwich but I only vaguely remember.  I slept through the night after much difficulty getting comfortable.

I woke up this morning with no pain.  The kidney stone moved to another spot in my kidney and for now is not moving which means: no pain.  It’s only a matter of time before it decides to move again.  I won’t concern myself with that now.  I will deal with it when it happens like I did yesterday.  Hopefully the next time it moves, it will come all the way out (which is another bunch of pain in itself…I think you all understand).

Now come on, Mondays aren’t so bad are they?  Life is a series of moments that are happening NOW.  Take care of them when they happen…don’t worry about them before they happen.  That is just silly.  How can we take care of a problem that hasn’t happened yet?  Why worry about it?  I handled what life handed me yesterday just fine.  Why would I not do the same at any time in the future?

Peace my friends and stop hating Mondays.  It’s just another day!