Why Do I Run?

I have no idea.  I'm so sore right now.  The wife is about to watch Dancing With The Stars so I ponder.  Perhaps I am trying to regain my youth.  Perhaps I am simply trying to test my limits.  Of course, some people climb mountains to test their limits.  Some run across deserts.  Some swim across oceans.  It seems what I am asking of my body is not all that much.  Yet, my body is not cooperating.  It's not doing what I want it to do.  I refuse to accept that this is what 51 years old looks like for me.

In the picture above, I am 5 and my dad is in the background walking around the track.  I could run a mile in 9:00 when I was 5.  I have trouble keeping up that pace now.  I am hoping to be better once the snow is gone and I can run the trails more productively.

But...I'm lying to myself even now.  My legs are in rough shape.  I have some kind of shin pain.  I just looked it up on WebMD and it appears I likely just have simple shin splints.  I guess I never really understood what that truly is and how painful it can be.  I need to run on the front of my foot more (part of my laziness) and stay away from running on hard surfaces.  I figured out the latter on my own.

But...why do I run?  I started at a young age.  I took a break at 17 when I got confused with what was and who I was.  I was never the same runner again although I ran fairly regular through to my early 30s.  In organized sports I was forced to train regularly. I never took it tremendously seriously but left to my own devices, I slacked much more.

I wish I had today's drive in that young body.  Zen teaches that the past is the past.  It no longer exists.  I need to accept who I am today.  I am doing that on many levels.

Anyway...running.  I honestly don't know why it is so important right now.  It doesn't matter.  I should ride it out while I have the energy.  I just need to move...move with no apparatus...just my feet, body and mind.

I don't wear headphones.  I don't understand how anyone can have proper balance/coordination without hearing the world...hearing the wind, woods and critters.  I don't understand why anyone would block out the sounds of the woods or even the streets.  I love coming across critters in the woods.  This is cool:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vkemK00kPo4

Stuff like that happens in the woods.  The marvelous randomness of the real world...


That was all written yesterday.  It is now today.  The question is: why do I run?  I think it is mainly the no apparatus aspect.  Like...you could run anywhere...even if you had no shoes...

There is definitely a Zen to running...the freedom of being alone in the woods with just one's thoughts.  Or to be Zen and have no thoughts. Only experience what is going on around you and specifically, what is in front of you.  Whatever.  I used to do some of my best thinking while I was running.  I was like a machine in my youth.  I didn't appreciate it back then.  It was my "normal."

Now I do running meditations...sometimes I think and sometimes I don't.  Wax on, wax off.

I think I have a good plan to eradicate the shin splints.  I looked up some stretches and exercises and will do them every day.

Why do I run?  Because I can...

How Does a Novice Begin to Meditate?

That’s a very good question.  For me I just did it.  I had some idea from movies and TV but had never actually witnessed anyone meditating or asked anyone about it.  I never read books on how to meditate.  I would lie down on my bed, close my eyes and think about places I wanted to be and things I wanted to see.  At times, I would astral project: feel like my spirit left my body and I was my spirit.  My spirit would travel all over the world on these trips. 

Looking back, that wasn’t really meditation.  It was more like self-hypnosis.  Buddhists believe in a vastly different meditation.  You clear your mind.  Don’t seek anything and don’t try to see pretty pictures.  You bring your mind to where it was before you were born.  That is Zen.  No worries. 

The guy in the following post does a very good job of explaining, to the beginner or anyone, 10 simple steps to meditate in the Buddhist tradition:

http://stopandbreathe.com/2011/03/04/meditation-101-a-10-step-beginners-guide/

My next suggestion would be to go to a Zen Center.  They generally have meditation classes for beginners and then opportunities to chant (a form of meditation) and sit meditation with the members and others.  I am a member of the Providence Zen Center (PZC) in RI and also a member of the Kwan Um School of Zen.  The Kwan Um School has locations all over the US and in many other countries all over the world. The PZC has beginner meditation training classes on Wednesday nights at 6:30 and sometimes they have them on Sundays. They are free to the public.  Some on the internet call the Kwan Um School a cult.  That couldn’t be farther from the truth.  Whatever individuals wrote that were obviously making assumptions and probably never bothered to visit one of the many Zen Centers. 

The people that live at, work at and visit these centers are the nicest, kindest and mellowest people.  They ask nothing of newcomers like I feel I still am.  I am working on becoming a Dharma Teacher and they are trying to slow me down.  No one is encouraging it and none of them probably remember that I even have that interest.  When I discussed doing the 5 Precepts (a step in becoming a teacher) with one of our Dharma Teachers, he said slow down.  Everything will happen when it is supposed to happen.  He also told me the only thing I should be concerned about is practicing my mediation and concentrating on what is in front of me. 

The last time I sat with Jose, he asked me, “What is missing right now?”  I said after some hesitation, “Nothing.  I am at the Zen Center, we are talking.  No past or future just what is happening right now.”  He agreed.  He also added, “When you try to rush to become more enlightened, it just doesn’t work.  If you seek enlightenment, you won’t find it.  Don’t make anything.  Clear your mind and it may find you,” then he wacked my mat with his stick.  A symbolic gesture as in the old days, a monk in training would have been hit with that stick.  I’m not saying I’m a monk in training.  In the old days they did not let lay persons into these temples.  A Korean Zen Master brought his Zen teachings to the US and understood that things needed to be loosened up a bit to reach a much wider audience.

Okay, where was I?  I also understand that going into a Buddhist Temple can be intimidating for a newcomer.  It was very intimidating for me.  I wanted to go to such a temple in Boston when I was around 23 years old.  I walked by it over and over again when I walked to and from my car when I worked in the Back Bay.  I never went in.  Another 25 years went by before I finally entered the Providence Zen Center.  This is where I have learned the most about Zen and about meditating.  It took me 48 years to get to a Zen Temple.  I’m not complaining.  Things happen when they are supposed to.

Peace and clear mind!  If you have questions, feel free to ask them in the comments section…

The Zen of Eckhart Tolle

I just finished "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle.  Yes, I'm a bit behind as this was written in 1999.  I read it when I was meant to read it...NOW. 

Here is some of what I learned:

Accept and then act.  Whatever the present moment brings, good or bad, accept it as if you chose it.  Work with it not against it.  Make it your friend not your enemy.  This will miraculously change your life.  A friend just complained about the traffic on the way to work.  She said she was aggravated.  This is self inflicted pain.  Look at the slow ride to work as a blessing.  Look out the window and see what is going on outside of the traffic jam.  Meditate.  Become one with the sounds of horns, cars running, etc.  Listen to some good music or listen to a CD of a book or something inspirational.  I have even read books while stuck in traffic although I would not suggest anyone else do it.  Enjoy the time you have instead of dreading it.  Dreading it is a choice and an unhealthy choice.  Embracing the situation is also a choice and a healthy one.  Seems silly to choose anything other than embracing the moment or moments we have in our brief lives here.

Get rid of fear.  It comes in many forms: unease, worry, anxiety, nervousness, tension, dread, phobia and so on.  This psychological fear is always about something that MIGHT happen, not something that is happening now.  If you are fearful, then your mind is in the future and it has no place being there.  You can always handle what is going on now (you have to).  You cannot cope with something that is only a mind projection - you cannot cope with the future.  Do you want fear to be your constant companion?  Is it healthy?

Get rid of your ego.  The most common ego identifications (who we think we are) have to do with possessions, the work you do, social status and recognition, knowledge and education, physical appearance, special abilities, relationships, personal and family history, belief systems as well as political, nationalistic, racial, religious and other collective indentifications.  NONE of these is you.  The sooner we relinquish these things, the better, healthier and more serene we will be.  Sadly, most will not relinquish these until death.  The secret is to "die before you die" and find that there is no death.  In meditation, one can get an idea of what death is like, one can strip away the noise that is not who we really are.  We are who we were before we were born and after we die.  We are not the body we inhabit and we are not the noise in our heads.

The idea of Zen is to be so completely in the present that no problem, no suffering, nothing that is not WHO YOU ARE can survive in you.  In the NOW and in the absence of time, all problems dissolve.  The great Zen Master Rinzai would ask his students, "What, at this moment, is lacking?"  Rumi said, "Past and future veil God from our sight; burn up both of them with fire."  Lastly, Meister Eckhart suggested: "Time is what keeps the light from reaching us.  There is no greater obstacle to God than time."

"Problems" are illusions.  Example:  In an emergency situation, we are forced to live in the NOW.  In a true emergency, the mind stops, you become totally present in the NOW and something infinitely more powerful takes over.  This is why there are many reports of ordinary people suddenly being capable of incredibly courageouse acts.  In an emergency, you either survive or you don't.  Either way, it is not a problem.

Our outer purpose is not important.  Our inner purpose is very important.  The outer purpose is just a game that you may continue to play simply because you enjoy it.  You can fail completely in your outer purpose and still totally succeed in your inner purpose.  Or in the reverse, sadly, most people have outer riches and inner poverty.  Which would you choose?  The sooner you realize that your outer purpose cannot give you lasting fulfillment, the better.

Underneath your outer form, you are connected with something so vast, so immeasurable and sacred, that it cannot be conceived or spoken of.  You are connected with the universe.  You are connected with everything and everyone. Most people have lost there way and are, essentially, disconnected.  That is why they feel alone and are attached to their outer self and all the problems it brings.  Get in touch with your inner self and the universe you are part of and you will come to know peace.

True salvation is fulfillment, peace and life in all its fullness.  It is to feel the goodness within you that HAS NO OPPOSITE and the joy of being that depends on nothing outside itself.  In theistic language, it is to "know God" - not as something outside of you but within you.  "True salvation is to know yourself as an inseparable part of the timeless and formless One Life from which all that exists derives its being."

Surrender is important if you want to live in the NOW.  Until you practice surrender, the spiritual dimension is something you will just read about, get excited about, write books about, think about, believe in, etc.  Not until you surrender does it become a living reality in your life.  Through surrender, spiritual energy comes into the world.  It creates no suffering for yourself, for other humans or any other life form on the planet.  This is the idea of Zen: rid the world of suffering.  The mind creates suffering.

This was a great book.  I came across it in an odd way.  There was a quote from Eckhart Tolle on the signature line of an email from a friend.  I then learned he wrote this book which I had been aware of but never chose to read.  Then, it turned out my daughter had a copy of this book so I borrowed it.  Everything happens for a reason.  Surrender and you will be free!  The past is over and the future is a mystery...live NOW.  Now is all we have.

Peace!

You Can’t Look For a Clear Mind

I learned that tonight.  Tonight was my night to go to the Zen Center but I decided to meditate at home instead.  I was craving the outdoors.  I meditated in a chair in my front yard, getting some sun on my face off and on as the sun set.

My first visitor was a spider.  There was a potted plant next to me and it must have been in there, seen me and decided I was worth checking out.  He just nudged my arm as he walked along the arm of the chair.  I knocked him onto the ground so he could take his business elsewhere.

I was also visited by the rabbit in the picture above.  A small one, young I guess.  He was living in the now, about to run as I was getting closer, living each moment in the moment.  Present!

I closed my eyes and enjoyed some sun.  There was a great red/orange light that penetrated my eyelids when the sun was shining.  It felt like my whole body was enveloped in that light.  The light later became yellow and eventually turned purple.

I also enjoyed all of the sounds of the outdoors.  One particular bird was singing away and almost seemed to be singing to me.  There were other birds all over.  I could also hear cars on the road and other sounds of the outdoors.  I listened and enjoyed every minute.  I was one with the sounds instead of being a bystander.

I had a big smile on my face for much of this meditation.  I didn’t even realize that I was smiling because I was living in the NOW!  My mind was clear and I accepted what was developing around me.  It was peaceful.  Serene!  If we allow ourselves even brief moments of such noiseless (no junk in our minds) living, the better we will be.  The more often we can be free of noise in our heads, the more it becomes a habit…the more we enjoy life and the longer and happier we live.

I meditated for 2 hours.  It was great.  The past is history and the future is a mystery.  Live now because now is all we have.  Our minds just try to fool us into thinking otherwise...

For a short time today I was truly PRESENT!

Overnight Stay at PZC - Not Good Not Bad

Okay.  I didn't have a great night last night.  I went to the Zen Center in Cumberland planning to stay overnight after 2 hours of meditation.  I knew I was going to be late for dinner so I ate before I got there.  On the website for the center there are pictures of some very neat and clean rooms (and I have seen some of these nice rooms).  I got to the Center with some time before the first meditation so I checked out my room.  Now, understand, this is not supposed to be something to complain about.  A room is a room just like food is food.  It serves a purpose but it certainly isn't supposed to be luxurious (just like food is about nutrition not taste) and I didn't expect it to be.  It was, however, very disappointing and I feel bad that I feel this way.  The room was dirty, dusty, dusty cobwebs in the corners of the ceiling, etc.  It appears my room was in a section of the building that had been igrnored for a long time.  I have seen some of the rooms there and they are very nice.

I had a choice of two twin beds: one that was soft and noisy and one that was as hard as a rock and quiet.  I slept on the noisy one.  After meditating until 8:30, I went to my room and settled in.  I had my laptop with me so I spent a little time on the internet (they have WIFI) and then I read until 11:00 when I went to bed.  I woke up at 1:30am and just couldn't fall back to sleep.  My asthma was also bothering me (probably due to all of the dust) and I didn't have an inhaler with me.  I was miserable but tried to stick it out until 5:00am when the gong would sound and we would all go to the Dharma Room for bows and meditation until 7:00.  I ended up going home at 3:00am.  I was exhausted.

The whole night was tough really.  I had trouble getting clear during seated meditation and my back was killing me.  I guess I picked the wrong night to stay overnight.  I was in a bad mood when I got there also (I was carrying around a lot of karma that I should have left at the door but was unable to).

Clear mind is the idea.  It was tough last night.  I will try again another time and soon.  How am I going to do a multi-day retreat if I can't handle a night?  Don't know...it's all a learning experience.  If you look for something, you won't find it.  If you clear your mind, it may find you.

Peace!

Meditation to Find Serenity - Clear Mind

I learned a mistake I was making prior to coming to the Providence Zen Center.  I have been meditating for over 11 years...maybe 12.  I believe meditation is for receiving answers from God.  Prior to the last few weeks, I would meditate and look for the answers.  If you're looking, you're mind is not clear.  So now, I understand the purpose of meditation is to keep the mind clear.  No thoughts.  Looking for answers = thinking.  Zen = no thinking. 

So, I have learned that meditating is to clear the mind of everything: no thoughts.  When the mind is completely clear, the answers will come (the receiver is on).  This happened to me this past Wednesday night. I meditated for a total of 2 hours.  I am sure I wasn't clear much of that time, but I was clear for some of it (and I will be more clear as I get better).

During that clarity, brought on by a clear mind, I was able to get an answer.  The answer was "get rid of the noise in your head...both literal and figurative."  Carrying around hate, fear, guilt, self-doubt, etc....this is all noise keeping us from being happy and serene, not allowing us to be compassonate and patient.

Now, you could easily ask "Well, what was the question?"  Essentially, the question was "How can I find true serenity?"  I didn't receive a text book on the subject from God. I got one piece of a puzzle that is unlikely to be finished when I die but, the more we get rid of noise and the closer we get to true serenity, the more happy we will be.  Nirvana shouldn't be the goal just like seeking answers isn't the goal.  Nirvana will come some day when it is time.  Answers will come when you are clear and when it is time.  We have to live in the now.  Now I have to go to the store so, go to the store.  Now, I am going to read so go read.  Now I am going to the gym, so go to the gym and workout.  Now I'm going to work, so go to work and work when you get there.  Now I'm going to meditate, okay, empty your mind. No thoughts or opinions.  Just do it.  If you're going to do anything, do it right and to the best of your ability.  That is Zen. 

Zen is also similar to the show Seinfeld.  It's about nothing!  When I say "nothing," I mean nothing in your mind = clear mind = when you will get your answers.  The more clear your mind, the more serenity you will find.

The more hours the mind is clear, the more serene you will be.  The more you will be able to help others will compassion and patience (and love).  Clear mind really forces one to live in the "now."  That was over-used at one point I think but it is true.  The time we spend having guilt, hate, anger etc. from the past fogs up our heads and is killing us. The time we spend dreading the future, fearing the future etc. makes us anxious and is killing us.  Keeping the mind clear keeps us in the now.  No baggage from the past and no concerns about what the future will bring = serenity.

Clear mind = serenity!

Eating With The Buddhists

Had a great night last night at the Zen Center.  Ate dinner with the group for the first time.  We had a humble meal of soup (which was delicious, spicy) and rice (sticky brown rice) and water to drink.  Was nice to sit with some of the members and chat.  It's hard to feel uncomfortable at this place when everyone is so nice and mellow.  After their bowls are empty, they put tea in them and drink it as a way to clean the bowl and get every bit of food.  Interesting practice.  I did it.  We prayed before the meal and after.  We sat on the floor just like the picture above.

I then sat and relaxed in the common area while waiting for the first meditation, a chant.  I read a bit from "Only Don't Know" while I was waiting.  It is a collection of letters to a Zen Master.  I read a letter from a gentleman that was in prison.  He sent it to the Zen Master.  He was studying Zen in prison and wanted to know how he could learn more.  The Zen Master had a great answer.  He said that prison is a great place to practice Zen because his body is incarcerated but his mind is not.  You don't need the body for Zen.  It's about the mind, clearing the mind, not thinking.  The prisoner also wanted suggestions on what to read.  The Zen Master said it wasn't necessarily good to read about Zen and not necessarily bad.  That is Zen.  No opinion.

Here's a kong-an for you:  You are tied to a tree and bound and holding on to a branch only with your teeth.  If you let go, you will hang yourself.  Your master comes along and asks you a question.  You must answer or you will be shot.  If you answer, you die because you end up hanging yourself.  If you don't answer, you will die because you will be shot.  How do you answer without dying?

I don't know the answer.  Not knowing, not having an opinion is Zen.  My gut tells me to answer the question and be the master of your own destiny.  Buddhists believe in reincarnation anyway so the belief is we are always here and eventually no longer need to come back as human (when one reaches Nirvana).  So, you answer and you don't really die.  There is no right answer and needing to be right is not Zen.  So...

Chant meditation started at 6:30 and went for an hour.  I'm getting better at my bows.  Not any better at chanting but only my second time.  The idea is to not think about anything but the chant and I for sure can only think about the chant as I don't know them well.  They are in Korean and we have a chant book that gives phonetic pronunciations.  There is one chant that is in English.

I then sat in on an hour of seated meditation.  25 minutes seated, 10 minutes walking meditation and then another 25 seated.  The walking in between helps get the circulation back in your legs and feet.  It was a good night.  The meditation ending with the young lady who led the seated meditation discussing the importance of God in our lives.  This made me feel more certain that I am hanging out at the right place.

I rode home in silence (no radio on in the car).  Makes no sense to deal with noise after all of that quiet time.  Speaking of noise: we have too much noise in our lives both literally and figuratively.  I have noticed recently that many days I come home from work with my ears ringing.  This is from the day's noise and the cranked radio on the ride home doesn't help.  Then there is all the crap in our heads which, to me, is also noise.  My goal is to get rid of a lot of that noise and find a more peaceful place in general (not ocassionally). 

Reduce the noise and get closer to God!

Igniting my Dharma Light

Did over 400 miles mountain biking in January.  400 was the goal so, cool.

Went to the Fatima Shrine in Holliston after work recently and formally gave it all up to God.  Lit some candles in the darkness of the night.  When I say gave it up to God...just looking for His guidance if it is His will to guide me.

Have had some good things going on.  I'm getting more focused and ridding myself of distractions (trying).  Was looking to volunteer my time somewhere and it hit me: I need something higher than that.  More than just giving a couple hours a week.  A higher purpose.  Something big that will allow me to be a better person and add something positive to the world.  Something that could lead to a new life path.  ZEN!

"Ignite your dharma light so that you may become a positive change agent for greater peace and acceptance in our world."  This is from some information I have read recently on Zen meditation.  There is a school near here in RI that teaches Zen meditation and can lead one on a path to becoming a Zen Master.  This school could very well become my second home if I feel like I belong there.

I'm going to the school Wednesday night for a one hour meditation and perhaps chat after.  Sunday there is a one day retreat that I am likely going to attend (will let you know).  Perhaps it's a cult and they will try to brainwash me :)

There is a school in Buffalo, NY that has a three year, six term, course that supposedly makes one a Zen Master.  It seems to me that real experience and a true calling would make for a better path.  But, that is me being stubborn and thinking I know better.  I have the curriculum for that 3 year deal and plan to cover it all myself with self study.

I am looking for serenity...