Why Do I Run?

I have no idea.  I'm so sore right now.  The wife is about to watch Dancing With The Stars so I ponder.  Perhaps I am trying to regain my youth.  Perhaps I am simply trying to test my limits.  Of course, some people climb mountains to test their limits.  Some run across deserts.  Some swim across oceans.  It seems what I am asking of my body is not all that much.  Yet, my body is not cooperating.  It's not doing what I want it to do.  I refuse to accept that this is what 51 years old looks like for me.

In the picture above, I am 5 and my dad is in the background walking around the track.  I could run a mile in 9:00 when I was 5.  I have trouble keeping up that pace now.  I am hoping to be better once the snow is gone and I can run the trails more productively.

But...I'm lying to myself even now.  My legs are in rough shape.  I have some kind of shin pain.  I just looked it up on WebMD and it appears I likely just have simple shin splints.  I guess I never really understood what that truly is and how painful it can be.  I need to run on the front of my foot more (part of my laziness) and stay away from running on hard surfaces.  I figured out the latter on my own.

But...why do I run?  I started at a young age.  I took a break at 17 when I got confused with what was and who I was.  I was never the same runner again although I ran fairly regular through to my early 30s.  In organized sports I was forced to train regularly. I never took it tremendously seriously but left to my own devices, I slacked much more.

I wish I had today's drive in that young body.  Zen teaches that the past is the past.  It no longer exists.  I need to accept who I am today.  I am doing that on many levels.

Anyway...running.  I honestly don't know why it is so important right now.  It doesn't matter.  I should ride it out while I have the energy.  I just need to move...move with no apparatus...just my feet, body and mind.

I don't wear headphones.  I don't understand how anyone can have proper balance/coordination without hearing the world...hearing the wind, woods and critters.  I don't understand why anyone would block out the sounds of the woods or even the streets.  I love coming across critters in the woods.  This is cool:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vkemK00kPo4

Stuff like that happens in the woods.  The marvelous randomness of the real world...


That was all written yesterday.  It is now today.  The question is: why do I run?  I think it is mainly the no apparatus aspect.  Like...you could run anywhere...even if you had no shoes...

There is definitely a Zen to running...the freedom of being alone in the woods with just one's thoughts.  Or to be Zen and have no thoughts. Only experience what is going on around you and specifically, what is in front of you.  Whatever.  I used to do some of my best thinking while I was running.  I was like a machine in my youth.  I didn't appreciate it back then.  It was my "normal."

Now I do running meditations...sometimes I think and sometimes I don't.  Wax on, wax off.

I think I have a good plan to eradicate the shin splints.  I looked up some stretches and exercises and will do them every day.

Why do I run?  Because I can...

Like riding a bike with hemorrhoids...

It's no secret...I love the woods and love riding in the woods.  I love to bring a camera as a way to document my journeys and take pictures of interesting things I find.  I don't have hemorrhoids in this picture.

In the photo above, I am at the start of a trail that runs for 78 miles from the Douglas State Forest in Douglas, MA to the ocean at Blue Shutter Beach in Charlestown, RI.  I know where the whole trail goes but have never ridden the whole length of it at once.  Some day I will.  Below is a picture of Blue Shutter Beach...nice place...

The world can be so beautiful and yet, so ugly.  The ugliest things in the world are greed and hate.  In Buddhism, it is simple: do good and don't do evil.

Life is full of pain.  I'm an empathic person and sometimes I feel like I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders.  Like my own pain is not enough, I must carry every one else's as well.  This may sound insane but it is who I am.  This is why, over the last few years, I have decided that there is more to life than spending a large amount of my waking hours selling software or cell phones or any variety of other crap to crappy people.  I think I have a higher purpose.  I'm working on figuring out what that is and what it looks like.  A good start would probably be to not call people crappy but some just are...and that is their problem and doesn't have to be mine.

I know what it doesn't look like.  Life doesn't look like people treating people like pieces of furniture.  It doesn't look like people controlling people or hurting people or taking from people.  It doesn't look like a guy riding a bike with hemorrhoids.

I am a member of a Buddhist community.  Life looks pretty good there.  Life moves slowly.  People care about each other.  They care about what they eat.  They don't care about having any more than they need.  If they have more than they need, they give the rest to others in need.  The people at the Zen Center remind me of what the Native people must have been like.

There is a TV in one of the common rooms at the Zen Center and I have never seen it on.  I have never seen a cell phone or iPad or computer of any kind in use there.  It makes me wonder: how much of the "stuff" that we have do we really need?  How much of the stuff that we don't have but feel we need do we, in fact, really need?

What is a need?  Do people even know any longer?  Real needs are things like: subsistence, protection, affection, understanding, participation, leisure, creation, identity and freedom.  This morning I spoke to a 92 year old gentleman named Roland at an assisted living community.  I have to tell you, he looked like he was in his 70s at the most.  He wore a big smile and was happy to spend some time talking to me and I was happy to talk with him.  Someone there called him the mayor.  I'm pretty sure most of Roland's needs were fulfilled.  I don't know for sure if he has affection in his life today but I think he does and I know he has the rest.

Roland is one of those angels you come across in your life.  He teaches you a lesson if you are open to receive it.  I want to spend more time with people like Roland.  I don't want to ride a bike with hemorrhoids.  That is just painful!

Bees, Bugs and Ballyhoo...

 

So...it was a good weekend.  One thing that happened is a great example of Karma.  Well, it was two things that happened.  Saturday afternoon and evening we had some guests over.  One of the guests was a one year old little man.  Earlier in the day, one of our cats had been playing with some sort of insect in the house.  This is not an uncommon event so we didn't pay attention to what type of bug.  Cats are great for keeping bugs from attacking their humans and we are truly grateful for that.  Cats, of course, are known for helping with mice...well, they help with anything that moves that does not belong.
 
So, later in the day, that little man was playing on the floor in the living room.  Unbeknownst to us, the bee was in the area half-dead on the floor.  Little man sees the bee and picks it up and BOOM...the bee bites the little man.  Oh boy.  He did very well I have to say.  He cried for about two minutes and then let it go and was smiling in five or so minutes.  Have you ever been bitten by a bee?  This was a tough little kid.

Anyway, I was feeling bad, like it was my fault.  I should have known the cat was playing with a bee.  I should have known it was still alive.  I should have known it wasn't dead.  Etc...but that way of thinking is truly silly, yes? 

Well, the next day, today, I decide to go for a mountain bike ride.  Pretty normal thing to do on a beautiful weekend afternoon.  I get ready, grab my gloves and put them on.  Well, there was a bee in the right glove and it bit me right where the thumb and forefinger meet.  I was jumping all around the front yard, trying to get the glove off after I realized what was going on.  In my mind, the first second, I'm like "Why does my hand feel like it's on fire?"  To be honest, I didn't even see the bee.  I didn't have to.  It got me good as it had plenty of time to fully unload on me. 

Let me tell you, that little kid is tough.  That thing hurt for the whole bike ride and for a total of about three hours.  It was hard to hold the right side of the handlebars.  Moral?  Was it Karma or just a coincidence?  It did take away my guilt...so there's that...

This was the second time this year I got bit.  I tend to go without shoes as much as possible in the summer.  Early this past summer, I was walking across the lawn and stepped on a bee.  BAM!  The pain from that one didn't last as long as the one from today.  Two years ago I got stung three times at once.  I found out the hard way that there was a nest in a boxwood shrub in my front yard...I was trimming it and found a nest with the trimmer.  I'm lucky I didn't get bit more than three times. 

I used one of those long spraying insecticides for such a situation and destroyed whatever was living in that nest.  I also almost completely destroyed the boxwood.  That stuff is bad...pesticides.  It killed about one third of the boxwood and I almost decided to remove the boxwood and give it a decent burial.  It was dying slowly, mostly from the roots out.  I decided to let it live and see what I could do to bring it back.  I planted a rose bush in front of it and let nature take its course.  The shrub finally stopped dying and started to grow again.  This year, two years later I was able to tie it together and make it look normal. 

I'm not sure if there is a moral there.  Well, the moral I guess is use those pesticides wisely...use them only if you have to.  Do we have to?  I never will again.  But all karmic disturbances aside, it was a good weekend.  They're all good.  It's good to be alive, good to be alive to get bit by a bee, to have feelings, to go for bike rides, spend time with friends and family, feel the sun on our faces or the rain on our skin etc...all the things we sometimes take for granted.  Life!

Your homework: go outside and get bit by bee.  It will prove you are alive.  (Do not take part in this exercise if you are allergic to bees).  In fact, don't actually do this at all...just trying to make a point...

Peace and until next time: Gå og leve livet!

The Way of the Human

I started this last night in Word and the damn thing disappeared on me and I hadn't saved it yet.  So I'm writing this in my blog which saves a draft like every 30 seconds.  Losing several paragraphs was annoying as I have no idea what I was writing about...well I remember a little.  Yes...this was very un-Zen-like behavior.  I'm human not a Zen robot. 

I finished the book "The Way of The Sufi."  It was a big disappointment.  It is an older book but not that that should matter.  The author...not sure who he felt his audience was.  Anyway, he pretty much discussed everything a Sufi wasn't and not really much of anything on what being a Sufi means.  I got pretty much just two things out of the book: 1. A Sufi is very similar to a Buddhist and 2. Rumi was a Sufi.  That's it...

I'm now reading the Qur'an.  I am also reading, The Power of Positive Thinking by Norman Vincent Peale.  The Qur'an was written very long ago (of course) and the latter book was originally printed in 1952 and then reprinted in 1978.  I have the 1978 edition and it was signed by the author.  The signature reads: "To my good friends Mary and Henry Holt.  God bless you always. Norman Vincent Peale, August 10, 1978."  Pretty cool.  The Holts, it appears, were/are writers also.  Maybe this book is worth something.  Maybe just an interesting story.  Whatever...

I don't just read religious and inspirational or self help type books.  I always have a novel going and usually pulp fiction crime/cop/lawyer stuff.  My favorite such author is Michael Connelly.  Right now I'm reading a book by John Grisham that is not his normal fair (or mine).  This is about an NFL second string quarterback who screws up big time and ends up playing for a team in Italy.  It appears they have what is known as the IFL (Italian Football League).  He gets paid only $30,000 but ends up falling in love with Italy and specifically, Parma, the city he lives in and plays for.  Three books at a time for me is pretty normal.

Where was I going with this?  I have no idea...I've got writer's block...cut me some slack.  I'm reading books on theology and philosophies for several reasons.  By understanding all the faiths of the world, it will better help me understand and appreciate my own faith.  By truly understanding all faiths and not just listening to propaganda created by hateful people, it will help me better understand everyone to better love everyone.  It's so simple yet so far away from so many.  People need to wake up.  Most people are asleep.  If all you have is love no matter what comes at you:  WOW!

Lastly, I am studying all faiths as part of my journey in Buddhism...

Awakening The Buddha Within

This is a book I recently finished, written by Lama Surya Das who, among other things, did two back to back three year silent retreats as a Buddhist Monk.  Then, like many, came to a point where monastic life no longer made sense.

Here are some thoughts or ideas brought up in the book:

Many of the unenlightened ask themselves things like:” When does my real life begin?”  “Is this all there is?”  “Why does life often seem barren and lonely?”  “Why is there so much anxiety, fear and doubt in my heart?”  In actuality, we create our own reality.

Enlightenment is not about becoming divine.  Quite the opposite as it is about becoming more fully human.  Enlightened living is a compassionate path.  Zen Master Dogen said, “To be enlightened is to be one with all things.”  Makes sense to me.  Every living thing on this planet is connected to every other.  That is not a theory.  That is a fact.  It’s just common sense.

The only place you are going to find your truth is in your genuine spiritual center.  Be who you are and where you are.  Be present.  Within you and all of God’s creatures there is an inner radiance.  The luminosity is birthless and deathless.  It carries unconditional compassion and love.  We can awaken it if we want to.  We can become enlightened.  Seek enlightenment and you will not find it but clear your mind and you may learn that it was there all the time.

Enlightenment means an end to directionless wandering…

Here’s a meditation:

Breathe, breathe again, smile, relax, arrive where you are, be present only where you are, get rid of the noise in your head, forget what was and what may be, be present now, make it about being and not doing, drop everything and let go, enjoy for a moment this marvelous joy of meditation…

Following a balanced, moderate path that is honest, straightforward and impeccable is living the Dharma.  Learning to live without excessive confusion, anger, clinging, vacillation or greed is following the Dharma.  Be in tune with things as they are…not as you would wish them to be.

Buddha is truth.  Buddha once said, “There is nirvanic peace in things left just as they are.”  It’s about letting go.  It’s like coming home.

There are Four Noble Truths in Tibetan Buddhism (and perhaps the Korean I am involved in).  They are:

1.       Life is difficult.

2.       Life is difficult because of attachment.  We crave satisfaction in inherently dissatisfying ways.

3.       The possibility of liberation from difficulties exists for everyone.

4.       The way to realize the liberation and enlightenment is by leading a compassionate life of virtue, wisdom and meditation.  These three spiritual trainings comprise the teachings of the Eight-Fold Path to Enlightenment.

Soon I will discuss the Eight-Fold Path.  Peace and God bless!

Leave Your Shoes and Karma at the Door

The journey to Enlightenment is a long and winding road.  I went to the Zen Center last night as Wednesday is the night I have set aside for group chanting and group seated meditation.  I was thinking of all kinds of reasons not to go last night. The biggest was easy:  the heat.  I was thinking: is that dharma room air conditioned?  You see, it’s all about me and my comfort…well, it shouldn’t be.  Anyway, I went and the dharma room is the only room in the place that has air conditioning.  Perhaps they don’t want people passing out all over the place.  We humans love to complain though.  “Oh it’s hot….it’s cold…it’s humid…it’s…”  Just deal with it.

I went and was pretty much distracted the whole time.  Wednesday has a lot going on that doesn’t occur on other nights.  It is the night they teach new visitors how to meditate and the rules of the place and then they join us in the dharma room at 7:30 for seated meditation.   Plus, Wednesday night is the night there is a Dharma Teacher or Zen Master present to do kong-an interviews with those who have things they would like to discuss in private.  As the meditations take place, a bell is rung when the teacher is ready for the next private meeting.

Anyway, I had trouble reading the chant book (I need to bring my reading glasses).  I was distracted by the sound of the air conditioner and that bell.   Then there were a large number of new people that came in at 7:30 which surprised me based on the heat.  The most interesting thing that happened during seated meditation was watching a bug crawl around on the hardwood floor.  It had trouble with every crack.  Watching this did help me stay in the moment but otherwise, I had trouble keeping my mind clear last night.

I spoke with a few people after meditation and they go on different nights often as there are none of these distractions on other nights.  No interviews and no new people coming in halfway through the evening.  I think I am going to start going on Tuesday nights instead of Wednesdays.  I need to have as few distractions as possible to get the most out of meditation.  Some would say one should be able to meditate through anything, even a tornado.  I guess I need more progress to get there.  One day at a time and all that.

It was a good night.  It was around 95 degrees out and humid.  I had time to go home before I went so I was able to change into shorts (comfort is certainly helpful while meditating).  I also went barefoot as it seemed like the right thing to do (you have to take your shoes off at the door anyway).  There’s something about walking into a place barefoot (and having it be okay) that gives one a sense of freedom.  That may sound silly and silly is okay.

When I pulled into the Zen Center, I was greeted by a rabbit that was hopping around the property.  Rabbits seem to be everywhere lately.  It was warm and I’m not going to complain about the heat.  I like it.  It does shock the system a bit to go from 75 to 95 in one day but our systems are tough.  People complain and say “when is summer going to arrive?” and then when it does, they complain that it’s too hot.  Why not except things as they are?  Can you control the weather or temperature?  No…so don’t sweat it (no pun intended…well actually it was intended).

Peace and clear mind.  Enjoy the summer.  If you feel like checking out the Zen Center (in Cumberland, RI) check it out.  You don’t have to be a Buddhist.  You just have to be human.  Personally, I don’t believe in religion.  I believe in God.  Buddhism is a philosophy for me.  Buddhists believe in God also by the way.  Buddhists accept everything and everyone.  Just leave your shoes and karma at the door…

The Zen of Eckhart Tolle

I just finished "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle.  Yes, I'm a bit behind as this was written in 1999.  I read it when I was meant to read it...NOW. 

Here is some of what I learned:

Accept and then act.  Whatever the present moment brings, good or bad, accept it as if you chose it.  Work with it not against it.  Make it your friend not your enemy.  This will miraculously change your life.  A friend just complained about the traffic on the way to work.  She said she was aggravated.  This is self inflicted pain.  Look at the slow ride to work as a blessing.  Look out the window and see what is going on outside of the traffic jam.  Meditate.  Become one with the sounds of horns, cars running, etc.  Listen to some good music or listen to a CD of a book or something inspirational.  I have even read books while stuck in traffic although I would not suggest anyone else do it.  Enjoy the time you have instead of dreading it.  Dreading it is a choice and an unhealthy choice.  Embracing the situation is also a choice and a healthy one.  Seems silly to choose anything other than embracing the moment or moments we have in our brief lives here.

Get rid of fear.  It comes in many forms: unease, worry, anxiety, nervousness, tension, dread, phobia and so on.  This psychological fear is always about something that MIGHT happen, not something that is happening now.  If you are fearful, then your mind is in the future and it has no place being there.  You can always handle what is going on now (you have to).  You cannot cope with something that is only a mind projection - you cannot cope with the future.  Do you want fear to be your constant companion?  Is it healthy?

Get rid of your ego.  The most common ego identifications (who we think we are) have to do with possessions, the work you do, social status and recognition, knowledge and education, physical appearance, special abilities, relationships, personal and family history, belief systems as well as political, nationalistic, racial, religious and other collective indentifications.  NONE of these is you.  The sooner we relinquish these things, the better, healthier and more serene we will be.  Sadly, most will not relinquish these until death.  The secret is to "die before you die" and find that there is no death.  In meditation, one can get an idea of what death is like, one can strip away the noise that is not who we really are.  We are who we were before we were born and after we die.  We are not the body we inhabit and we are not the noise in our heads.

The idea of Zen is to be so completely in the present that no problem, no suffering, nothing that is not WHO YOU ARE can survive in you.  In the NOW and in the absence of time, all problems dissolve.  The great Zen Master Rinzai would ask his students, "What, at this moment, is lacking?"  Rumi said, "Past and future veil God from our sight; burn up both of them with fire."  Lastly, Meister Eckhart suggested: "Time is what keeps the light from reaching us.  There is no greater obstacle to God than time."

"Problems" are illusions.  Example:  In an emergency situation, we are forced to live in the NOW.  In a true emergency, the mind stops, you become totally present in the NOW and something infinitely more powerful takes over.  This is why there are many reports of ordinary people suddenly being capable of incredibly courageouse acts.  In an emergency, you either survive or you don't.  Either way, it is not a problem.

Our outer purpose is not important.  Our inner purpose is very important.  The outer purpose is just a game that you may continue to play simply because you enjoy it.  You can fail completely in your outer purpose and still totally succeed in your inner purpose.  Or in the reverse, sadly, most people have outer riches and inner poverty.  Which would you choose?  The sooner you realize that your outer purpose cannot give you lasting fulfillment, the better.

Underneath your outer form, you are connected with something so vast, so immeasurable and sacred, that it cannot be conceived or spoken of.  You are connected with the universe.  You are connected with everything and everyone. Most people have lost there way and are, essentially, disconnected.  That is why they feel alone and are attached to their outer self and all the problems it brings.  Get in touch with your inner self and the universe you are part of and you will come to know peace.

True salvation is fulfillment, peace and life in all its fullness.  It is to feel the goodness within you that HAS NO OPPOSITE and the joy of being that depends on nothing outside itself.  In theistic language, it is to "know God" - not as something outside of you but within you.  "True salvation is to know yourself as an inseparable part of the timeless and formless One Life from which all that exists derives its being."

Surrender is important if you want to live in the NOW.  Until you practice surrender, the spiritual dimension is something you will just read about, get excited about, write books about, think about, believe in, etc.  Not until you surrender does it become a living reality in your life.  Through surrender, spiritual energy comes into the world.  It creates no suffering for yourself, for other humans or any other life form on the planet.  This is the idea of Zen: rid the world of suffering.  The mind creates suffering.

This was a great book.  I came across it in an odd way.  There was a quote from Eckhart Tolle on the signature line of an email from a friend.  I then learned he wrote this book which I had been aware of but never chose to read.  Then, it turned out my daughter had a copy of this book so I borrowed it.  Everything happens for a reason.  Surrender and you will be free!  The past is over and the future is a mystery...live NOW.  Now is all we have.

Peace!

You Can’t Look For a Clear Mind

I learned that tonight.  Tonight was my night to go to the Zen Center but I decided to meditate at home instead.  I was craving the outdoors.  I meditated in a chair in my front yard, getting some sun on my face off and on as the sun set.

My first visitor was a spider.  There was a potted plant next to me and it must have been in there, seen me and decided I was worth checking out.  He just nudged my arm as he walked along the arm of the chair.  I knocked him onto the ground so he could take his business elsewhere.

I was also visited by the rabbit in the picture above.  A small one, young I guess.  He was living in the now, about to run as I was getting closer, living each moment in the moment.  Present!

I closed my eyes and enjoyed some sun.  There was a great red/orange light that penetrated my eyelids when the sun was shining.  It felt like my whole body was enveloped in that light.  The light later became yellow and eventually turned purple.

I also enjoyed all of the sounds of the outdoors.  One particular bird was singing away and almost seemed to be singing to me.  There were other birds all over.  I could also hear cars on the road and other sounds of the outdoors.  I listened and enjoyed every minute.  I was one with the sounds instead of being a bystander.

I had a big smile on my face for much of this meditation.  I didn’t even realize that I was smiling because I was living in the NOW!  My mind was clear and I accepted what was developing around me.  It was peaceful.  Serene!  If we allow ourselves even brief moments of such noiseless (no junk in our minds) living, the better we will be.  The more often we can be free of noise in our heads, the more it becomes a habit…the more we enjoy life and the longer and happier we live.

I meditated for 2 hours.  It was great.  The past is history and the future is a mystery.  Live now because now is all we have.  Our minds just try to fool us into thinking otherwise...

For a short time today I was truly PRESENT!

Overnight Stay at PZC - Not Good Not Bad

Okay.  I didn't have a great night last night.  I went to the Zen Center in Cumberland planning to stay overnight after 2 hours of meditation.  I knew I was going to be late for dinner so I ate before I got there.  On the website for the center there are pictures of some very neat and clean rooms (and I have seen some of these nice rooms).  I got to the Center with some time before the first meditation so I checked out my room.  Now, understand, this is not supposed to be something to complain about.  A room is a room just like food is food.  It serves a purpose but it certainly isn't supposed to be luxurious (just like food is about nutrition not taste) and I didn't expect it to be.  It was, however, very disappointing and I feel bad that I feel this way.  The room was dirty, dusty, dusty cobwebs in the corners of the ceiling, etc.  It appears my room was in a section of the building that had been igrnored for a long time.  I have seen some of the rooms there and they are very nice.

I had a choice of two twin beds: one that was soft and noisy and one that was as hard as a rock and quiet.  I slept on the noisy one.  After meditating until 8:30, I went to my room and settled in.  I had my laptop with me so I spent a little time on the internet (they have WIFI) and then I read until 11:00 when I went to bed.  I woke up at 1:30am and just couldn't fall back to sleep.  My asthma was also bothering me (probably due to all of the dust) and I didn't have an inhaler with me.  I was miserable but tried to stick it out until 5:00am when the gong would sound and we would all go to the Dharma Room for bows and meditation until 7:00.  I ended up going home at 3:00am.  I was exhausted.

The whole night was tough really.  I had trouble getting clear during seated meditation and my back was killing me.  I guess I picked the wrong night to stay overnight.  I was in a bad mood when I got there also (I was carrying around a lot of karma that I should have left at the door but was unable to).

Clear mind is the idea.  It was tough last night.  I will try again another time and soon.  How am I going to do a multi-day retreat if I can't handle a night?  Don't know...it's all a learning experience.  If you look for something, you won't find it.  If you clear your mind, it may find you.

Peace!

BSTRA Ride-Roll-Run Relay: A Great Example of Living in the NOW!

It was a good race on Sunday.  I found out about the race from a friend I work with.  We have been on trail committees together also.  Anyway, I’m a mountain biker and love the kind of riding that was required in this race: cross country on and off road.  29er tires pumped up hard and ready to go fast.

I didn’t know either of my team-mates prior to race day.  Becky was our horse rider (and the head of BSTRA…nice that!).  Jessie was our runner.  A cute young lady that was built lean like a runner (I was once a runner in another life).  We kicked butt.  The horses went first (6.8 miles) and Becky was the second one to the transition area.  The first biker on the course headed out about 10 minutes ahead of me. Then it was my turn.

I got on my Stump Jumper 29er and took off.  I had ridden the course several times before the race and was completely confident in my ability to blaze the trail.  I expected to do a time of about 35 minutes.  I finished in 31 minutes and was THE FASTEST BIKER!  I passed the bracelet to Jessie and she was off on the 5 mile run course.  I have no idea how she did for time (not posted on the BSTRA page yet) but she did great as we came in First Place!  “The Good, The Bad and The Ugly” was our team name.  If my memory is accurate: we came in at 2:07:00, 2^nd was 2:10:00 and 3^rd was 2:13:00, so it was a close one.  All I know is, I went as fast as I could and never looked behind me.  Actually, I could have gone faster...

We got nice medals with blue ribbons. I love stuff like this.  I’m competitive to the point of lunacy.  I can tell you this: I don’t remember much about my race. I was on auto pilot almost.  I was on a mission.  I was the epitome of living right now…right then.  Nothing else mattered, just getting over that course as fast as possible. I now know I can break 30 minutes and that will be my goal if they have the race again next year and I hope they do.  It was a great idea for a relay race, especially since the idea is to promote all these ways of enjoying the 5000+ acres in the Douglas State Forest and other trail systems.

This was my first “race” in a very long time.  I had to stop running due to bad knees.  I was heading to a point where I was going to need my right knee replaced.  I loved road races.  I’ll have to find at least one more race for this year…two more would be better.

This race again, was a great example of Right Now thinking.  A mountain bike race meditation!  It was about getting through that course as fast as possible, big ring most of the time in the woods, keeping the eyes open for obstacles on the trails and making sure to have plenty of momentum on the rolling uphills.  Of course, for me, it was also important to ride that course several times before race day.  This turned out to serve me well as many riders got lost due to poor planning and to be fair, the course could have been marked a bit better.

I’m sleeping over at the Zen Center Wednesday night.  I will have some info on that after…

Peace and clear mind…

Three Rabbits and a Dead Cat

Went for a bike ride after work yesterday.  It was a beautiful day.  Was tired and was going to stay home but dragged the bike out and headed for the woods.  Saw a rabbit right away, scampering along doing its thing.  Living in the NOW.  Then there were two more and who knows what those two were up to.  They were all enjoying a marvelous day.  They weren't carrying around anything from the past and they weren't concerned about anything other than what they were doing at that moment.  Marvelous!  It was said before but we can learn a lot from the animal world.

Eventually went to a place to do some hill work (to get stronger at climbing hills).  At the top of the hill there was a dead cat that must have recently been hit by a car.  It looked like my cat Simon, a ragdoll.  They should never go outside. They are not smart about traffic and they are too trusting.  It probably got loose.  This was sad to see but Zen teaches that there is no difference between that dead cat and those living rabbits.

We all come and go on this planet (and perhaps to others).  We live many lives in physical form and our true selves live forever.  That cat's journey in that particular role is over.  We all have roles in our daily lives and roles in each of our lives.  These "roles" are not who we really are.  Who we really are is what we were before we were born and after we die.  It should be a happy time to go back home.  The cat is back home and perhaps soon to receive a new role.  Life and death is the same in Zen as the true self never dies.  The cat is not dead it just no longer needs that particular shell.  That dead cat is not the cat.  Make sense?

This relates well to what is now going on with Ralphy, my dog.  He is going on 15 years old and has been sick off and on for the last year or so.  He has dimentia and can't hear or see very well.  He also is not drinking enough water and is getting constantly dehydrated.  He has been to the vet regularly lately, most recently for a large lump on his neck.  It is getting better with antibiotics.  His dimentia is better with meds.  He sleeps better with the help of Xanax, a tranquilizer.  This life journey for him is coming to a close.  It is sad.  He is part of the family and has been for a long time.  But, it is also not sad because soon he is going back home.

Death is a part of life and life is part of a bigger picture which is beyond what most of us can understand.  We are not the body we inhabit.  We are what is left when our body is gone.  We are what we were before we were born.  We are as infinite as the universe.

Peace and clear mind...

Be the Hawk

This reminds me of last weekend when I was riding in Franklin.  I had to ride through some trails along high tension wires.  A red tail flew above me from behind and landed on the next furthest stanchion, up on the top.  The wires were buzzing loud.  I wondered how they know what they can and can’t sit on.  I decided to be the hawk, to try out the Zen I have been practicing.

When I got close enough, it flew off and headed for the next furthest stanchion away and watched me.  It was watching me the whole time.  Anyway, eventually we both lost interest and I headed down a nice downhill single track that runs from the YMCA in Franklin to Grove Street.   Normally, I have to say (and those that ride with me will agree) I’m a pretty timid rider.  Well, on this downhill I glided smooth and fast and felt like I was soaring or flying.  For a short time, I WAS the hawk.  That was cool.  The feeling was gone before I got to Grove Street but fun while it lasted.

On the opposite side of the coin today, I came home and got myself all riled up because my light for my bike wouldn’t work right.  There is something wrong with the battery pack.  I spent so much time trying to fix it and getting worked up, I ended up deciding to go to the gym only to blow that off too.  I was the battery pack when I came home.  I made myself a piece of technology…busted technology.  That didn’t make much sense.  When I was the hawk, I was free.  When I was stuck inside technology, I was a mess.  There is a moral there…

Peace...clear mind!

Walking Meditation and Other Ways to Meditate

What a concept.  Meditate while walking.  Sounds dangerous...but no, not really.  The concept of walking meditation is using the action of walking as a form of meditation. It allows us to become mindful and aware of who we are, what we do, and how our bodies exist. It gives us an easy point of focus and depending on how aware we are it can be an intense experience.  It gives us something to focus on besides our thoughts.  In seated meditation, one's thoughts can easily sneak in but while walking, you have things to concentrate on that distract you from thinking.  You have to pay attention to the pace of the group so you don't lag behind or walk into the person in front of you.  You can also look around the room or if you are outside, enjoy what is going on around you.  The idea is to not think about the past or future, just experience what is going on RIGHT NOW. 

Once during a walking meditation, we were outside and there were birds chirping and doing their thing.  The instructor said to become the birds.  Picture yourself as the birds.  If you can do it, you will be free of any nonsense in your head.  A friend of mine recently said "stop and smell the roses" so I came back with "stop and be the roses."  Very Zen!

Now I take this one step further.  I spend a great deal of time mountain biking.  What about mountain bike riding meditation?  If I spend my ride stewing about the day's events or other past events or stress about the future, my ride is not going to be very enjoyable.  So, when out riding I like to just stay in the moment.  Nothing else exists but me, the bike and the woods.  I experience nature and its beauty.  This past weekend I saw a pheasant, a house with a crazy amount of exotic birds on the property, turkey vultures, seagulls, I think a partridge but may be wrong on that one, cats, dogs, people and of course all kinds of trails.  Trails that are smooth, rocky, technical, hilly (up and down).  All kinds of good stuff to keep me in the moment and keep me from thinking of anything other than what is going on RIGHT NOW.  Right now thinking is peaceful thinking.

I also came across some tunnels, bridges, old train remnants, the Blackstone River, brooks and ponds and lakes.  The outdoors is a great adventure for me and I like to document my rides with lots of pictures.  Perhaps too many pictures as my rides seem to be getting shorter and the amount of pictures is increasing.  I want to get a nice digital SLR.  I also want to ride more.  It's all about balance.

Back to walking meditation.  I can do this at work.  At mid-day it makes a great stress reliever.  I used to walk during the day and think about all the "stuff" that was driving me crazy.  Whether it was work stuff or life stuff.  Now I have learned to think of nothing while I walk at work.  I just pay attention to my walk and the things I come across.  This is how to take a break and relax: DON'T THINK ABOUT ANYTHING BUT THE MOMENT.  Otherwise, how are you going to relax?  Thinking about the past doesn't help you relax and sweating the future doesn't help you relax so, STOP DOING IT! 

Working out at the gym can be meditation also.  Just think about the exercises and do them.  Look around and soak up the atmosphere but leave the un-productive thoughts at the door.  When you are at the gym, life's "stuff" does not exist.  It is just you and your workout(s).  It's you and the others there and their workouts.  It's the music, the noise, the sweat.

True Zen Masters are supposedly in a meditative state all the time.  This simply means they are ALWAYS living in the moment.  This is a tough thing to achieve, but the closer you can get, the happier and closer to serentiy you will be!

Peace!  Clear your mind!

A Humbling Six Hours of Meditation Retreat

Most of what you carry around isn't "you."  Most of what the world sees of me isn't "me." - Zen of Ken

Spent seven hours at the Zen Center yesterday, maybe the nicest day of the year so far.  Sunny, warm and wonderful.  A great day to be outside doing anything.  I spent most of that time inside meditating.  Nancy was the Dharma teacher running the show.  There were a couple people from the Kwan Um school in Lexington and four from the one in Barnstable, a kid from Franklin and then some residents and regulars.  A very good group of people. The kid from Franklin was a bit stressed out but we all had our reasons for being there. 

I had my first interview with Dharma teacher, Nancy, from Charlestown, RI.  Nothing of interest to tell there.  I had no profound questions to ask or questions on anything I am struggling with.  So, she just suggested I breathe with my abdomen not my chest…I’ll have to read up on this but practiced it.  I guess it is a more relaxing way to breathe?  I guess I should have asked her.  I had plenty to talk about but the words didn’t come to me.  I’m still a serious newbie. 

Six hours is a long time to meditate especially when you can look outside all day and see how sunny and know how warm it is.  A great way to spend half the day with no worries and no thoughts, however.  No stress with no yesterday and no tomorrow.  Live for what is going on NOW.  That’s what we did today.  That is Zen!

The day started at 9:00 with all of us on the retreat meeting at the Zen Center in Cumberland, RI.  We got some instruction, put on our robes and headed for the dharma room.  Seated meditation started at 9:30.  We did 25 minutes, then 10 walking, 25 more seated, etc.  Six hours is definitely a challenge for anyone's knees, including mine. 

We did do one walking meditation outside in the woods around the property and sat for one 25 minute session in a circle in a clearing around a fire pit.  It was sunny and warm.  It would have been nice to spend the whole day outside.  There was a swampy pond outside and it was full of frogs making their spring noises (early for that but we've had great weather and everything appears to be happening early when it comes to the outdoors).  There are a lot of trails on the property and I have been told I can ride them on my bike.  I just have to stay away from the monastery and around 3:00 the monks do a walking meditation outside and they are to be left alone and given their distance.

We ended the day with a few chanting meditations and then a late lunch.  Everyone's stomaches were growling towards the end as we were all hungry, having had no food since breakfast (whatever we all ate before we showed up).  There was quite a feast: salad, cole slaw made with fruit (yummy), soup, lasagna, rice, water.  We all got to discuss how the day was for us.  Everyone was being positive except the young kid from Franklin who said the day "sucked" for him.  He made us all laugh as he was being a bit tongue in cheek (yet brutally honest).  Like everything, nothing always works and not always going to be a good experience. I don't know what his journey is so don't know why it was a bad day for him.

It was a good day for me.  Peaceful.  Nice to not think for most of that beautiful day.  I had no great revelations or anything regarding my meditations.  Just peace and the past and future did not exist during that pleasant day.  While inside we heard birds singing and the same when outside.  I also saw a male and female Cardinal doing their spring thing.  And again, the frogs.  All of God's creatures were living in the now, not thinking about anything but the moment.  I rode home in silence.

God bless and I hope everyone reading this has a good and pleasant week!

Don't Think...Chew Bones!

Eckhart Tolle.  I love this guy.  A new friend emailed me recently and this quote of his was on her signature line:

“Just as the dog loves to chew bones, the human mind loves it’s problems. We get lost in doing, thinking, remembering, anticipating – lost in a maze of complexity and a world of problems. Nature can show us the way home…”

This reminds me of a recent post of mine:  "The Zen of Simon."  We can indeed learn a lot from nature.  Man used to to be one with nature and most of us have lost our way.  We are sadly caught up in technology and toys and other material things that really don't matter in the grand scheme of things.  We are destroying our planet, running out of something as simple as fresh drinking water.  Never mind things like "pink slime" and other things we are eating.  Most of our food is processed, removing most if not all the nutrients.  Most of our food is controlled and poisoned by companies like Monsanto, a chemical company.  I am going to stop here because this is all for another discussion at another time.

I was aware of the book "The Power of Now" but I was not aware of who the author was and not aware of much about him.  From Wikipedia: In 2011, he was listed by the Watkins Review as the most spiritually influential person in the world.  In 2008, a New York Times writer called Tolle "the most popular spiritual author in the nation [United States]."

I feel blessed to have come across this man and now plan to read his books (I read a lot....always reading at least one book and am currently reading three).  When you open yourself up for God to do His will, it's amazing what can happen.  I recognized immediately that Eckhart had studied Zen.  He has studied many religions and philosophies but appears to lean heavily towards Zen Buddhism.  Fantastic.

I have been going to the Providence Zen Center for just over a month now and already can see and feel that I am changing.  I don't want to dive too heavily into it yet (I don't want to get ahead of myself) but am going to a day retreat there on Sunday which should be "enlightening."  I will have a chance to have an interview/private meeting with the Zen Master.  This is important to me as I want her to know who I am and why I am there.  I also want guidance and help. 

Meditate and clear your mind so you can find peace.  I am looking for peace, for a less stressful life free of anxiety and fear.  I also want to be a better person so I can do a better job of helping the people in my life and people in general.  I already feel God is helping me. 

Don't think...chew bones!

The Zen of Simon

Simon (my ragdoll) is very Zen.  He spends much of his time meditating as you can see here.  He definitely lives in the now.  Now he wants to nap…so he naps.  When he wants to he will: eat, drink water, clean, stare at me, walk around the house talking and so forth.  He focuses on the task at hand.  He follows the just do it philosophy. 

He’s not carrying around any baggage.  He doesn’t feel bad about the smell of the bombs he drops in the litter box.  He carries no ill will towards Carly (our other cat who’s half his size) even though she regularly jumps him and bites him.  He carries no remorse for the many times he has jumped on top of her, pinning her down. 

He’s not concerned about what will be after this nap.  He is napping therefore he is napping.  Nothing else.  Clear mind.  The future will be.  He is not concerned by it.  We humans have the ability to think ourselves into a nervous breakdown.  Simon epitomizes “no worries.”  We humans could learn a lot from cats.

Meditation to Find Serenity - Clear Mind

I learned a mistake I was making prior to coming to the Providence Zen Center.  I have been meditating for over 11 years...maybe 12.  I believe meditation is for receiving answers from God.  Prior to the last few weeks, I would meditate and look for the answers.  If you're looking, you're mind is not clear.  So now, I understand the purpose of meditation is to keep the mind clear.  No thoughts.  Looking for answers = thinking.  Zen = no thinking. 

So, I have learned that meditating is to clear the mind of everything: no thoughts.  When the mind is completely clear, the answers will come (the receiver is on).  This happened to me this past Wednesday night. I meditated for a total of 2 hours.  I am sure I wasn't clear much of that time, but I was clear for some of it (and I will be more clear as I get better).

During that clarity, brought on by a clear mind, I was able to get an answer.  The answer was "get rid of the noise in your head...both literal and figurative."  Carrying around hate, fear, guilt, self-doubt, etc....this is all noise keeping us from being happy and serene, not allowing us to be compassonate and patient.

Now, you could easily ask "Well, what was the question?"  Essentially, the question was "How can I find true serenity?"  I didn't receive a text book on the subject from God. I got one piece of a puzzle that is unlikely to be finished when I die but, the more we get rid of noise and the closer we get to true serenity, the more happy we will be.  Nirvana shouldn't be the goal just like seeking answers isn't the goal.  Nirvana will come some day when it is time.  Answers will come when you are clear and when it is time.  We have to live in the now.  Now I have to go to the store so, go to the store.  Now, I am going to read so go read.  Now I am going to the gym, so go to the gym and workout.  Now I'm going to work, so go to work and work when you get there.  Now I'm going to meditate, okay, empty your mind. No thoughts or opinions.  Just do it.  If you're going to do anything, do it right and to the best of your ability.  That is Zen. 

Zen is also similar to the show Seinfeld.  It's about nothing!  When I say "nothing," I mean nothing in your mind = clear mind = when you will get your answers.  The more clear your mind, the more serenity you will find.

The more hours the mind is clear, the more serene you will be.  The more you will be able to help others will compassion and patience (and love).  Clear mind really forces one to live in the "now."  That was over-used at one point I think but it is true.  The time we spend having guilt, hate, anger etc. from the past fogs up our heads and is killing us. The time we spend dreading the future, fearing the future etc. makes us anxious and is killing us.  Keeping the mind clear keeps us in the now.  No baggage from the past and no concerns about what the future will bring = serenity.

Clear mind = serenity!

Eating With The Buddhists

Had a great night last night at the Zen Center.  Ate dinner with the group for the first time.  We had a humble meal of soup (which was delicious, spicy) and rice (sticky brown rice) and water to drink.  Was nice to sit with some of the members and chat.  It's hard to feel uncomfortable at this place when everyone is so nice and mellow.  After their bowls are empty, they put tea in them and drink it as a way to clean the bowl and get every bit of food.  Interesting practice.  I did it.  We prayed before the meal and after.  We sat on the floor just like the picture above.

I then sat and relaxed in the common area while waiting for the first meditation, a chant.  I read a bit from "Only Don't Know" while I was waiting.  It is a collection of letters to a Zen Master.  I read a letter from a gentleman that was in prison.  He sent it to the Zen Master.  He was studying Zen in prison and wanted to know how he could learn more.  The Zen Master had a great answer.  He said that prison is a great place to practice Zen because his body is incarcerated but his mind is not.  You don't need the body for Zen.  It's about the mind, clearing the mind, not thinking.  The prisoner also wanted suggestions on what to read.  The Zen Master said it wasn't necessarily good to read about Zen and not necessarily bad.  That is Zen.  No opinion.

Here's a kong-an for you:  You are tied to a tree and bound and holding on to a branch only with your teeth.  If you let go, you will hang yourself.  Your master comes along and asks you a question.  You must answer or you will be shot.  If you answer, you die because you end up hanging yourself.  If you don't answer, you will die because you will be shot.  How do you answer without dying?

I don't know the answer.  Not knowing, not having an opinion is Zen.  My gut tells me to answer the question and be the master of your own destiny.  Buddhists believe in reincarnation anyway so the belief is we are always here and eventually no longer need to come back as human (when one reaches Nirvana).  So, you answer and you don't really die.  There is no right answer and needing to be right is not Zen.  So...

Chant meditation started at 6:30 and went for an hour.  I'm getting better at my bows.  Not any better at chanting but only my second time.  The idea is to not think about anything but the chant and I for sure can only think about the chant as I don't know them well.  They are in Korean and we have a chant book that gives phonetic pronunciations.  There is one chant that is in English.

I then sat in on an hour of seated meditation.  25 minutes seated, 10 minutes walking meditation and then another 25 seated.  The walking in between helps get the circulation back in your legs and feet.  It was a good night.  The meditation ending with the young lady who led the seated meditation discussing the importance of God in our lives.  This made me feel more certain that I am hanging out at the right place.

I rode home in silence (no radio on in the car).  Makes no sense to deal with noise after all of that quiet time.  Speaking of noise: we have too much noise in our lives both literally and figuratively.  I have noticed recently that many days I come home from work with my ears ringing.  This is from the day's noise and the cranked radio on the ride home doesn't help.  Then there is all the crap in our heads which, to me, is also noise.  My goal is to get rid of a lot of that noise and find a more peaceful place in general (not ocassionally). 

Reduce the noise and get closer to God!

Buddhism and God

I had some concerns about where God fit in the Buddhist religion/philosophy.  I was pleased to learn recently that He is part of Buddhism.  He is the Higher Power.  "Don't worry - just try.  Trying is better than a Zen Master, better than Buddha, better than God."  - Zen Master Seung Sahn.

I don't believe anything or anyone can be better than God, human or otherwise.  I am, however, encouraged that this Zen Master understands the presence of God and puts God above the Buddha.

I am slowly trying to incorporate my new found knowledge and wisdom in my every day life. That is the idea.  Make it a way of life.  Every day, life is what we make it.  We can choose to make life the master of us or wise up and be the master of our lives.  I want to be the master of my life and do it with integrity, serenity, humility and compassion.

One day at a time.  I'll be going to meditation on Wednesday night.  Retreat in mid-March.  I'm pretty sure I am about to join the temple.  Lots of good benefits for short money.  It also makes me a member of the Kwan Um School of Zen. 

Cool!

First Zen Meditation

Had a great time.  Went to the Providence Zen Center tonight.  Had a Zen meditation course at 6:30...we also chatted before class in the common area.  A place where I can hang out anytime I want, even if not a member but I plan to become a member as soon as I am able.  I can ride my bike to this place in a short amount of time and it's on 40 acres. 

Anyway, I'm all over the place.  During the "practice" we only meditated for 10 minutes.  I'm used to meditating for an hour and an ocassional 20 minute when I am short on time (i.e. lunch time).  Anyway, then we just asked questions.  No one asked us "why."  But it's not about why.  It's about clearing the mind.  We all have a mind full of crap...years of crap. I have about 39 years of crap. 

So...the point of the practice session was to prepare us for the real meditation that was downstairs at 7:30 in the main meditation room.  That was an hour: 25 minutes seated (lotus or however you're comfortable...you can even sit in a folding chair), then 10 minutes of walking meditation (never did this before) around the perimeter of the room and then another 25 minutes on the floor "seated."  I need to get used to it and get a few under my belt before I'll get clear with the meditations.  But it was a great start.

I'm going back Sunday for an all day retreat.  I have a lot of info to read before then.  Not because I need to but because I want to.  There is really no book on achieving Zen.  Zen is about Zen.  It's not about Zen.  It's about nothing.  It's about getting back to where you were when you did not think.  Think about that...or don't...the second answer appears to be the right answer but Zen isn't about correctness...

Peace!